Silence is my new weapon

Kuch dino se I had been fighting or u can say argufying with almost all may be because I was restless or the other reason is that people provoked me to do so. I tried to ignore it many a times but this monkey Ego in me always made me to put forward my point and while doing so the discussion kab argument me aur fight me badal jata pata hi nahi chalta. Fir my mamma told me be patience and be calm and try not to utter a word. If u want to make things clear or justify don’t do it while u r angry. Do it when calm n u have time. And also few people don’t worth to know the truth and explanation for them just be quite and see them struggle. Initially I didn’t understand this thing called struggle. I mean if I be quite y will they struggle. Jab maine is cheeze ko apple kiya wooooh it was like some weapon. Ha who every wanted to see me cry wonder wats with me. They keep on provoking me by saying what not about me and bla bla I don’t justify I smile. I say nothing. I even giggle silently, this giggle pokes them like million needles. Wow its time for me to enjoy J. also I happen to see this movie of Amitabh Bachchan “Budhdha hoga tera baap”. In this movie Amithji instead of using any bad word or gaali used beep. Like teri beep ki, saale beep and all. Why coz beep use karne se zabaan (tongue) saaf rehti hai aur saamne wale ko bhi zoor ki lagti hai. So silence is my new weapon, also I don’t know how long will I carry this attitude of mine. I wish I hold my anger and be patient and don’t break out.

P.S. : For whoever mess with me or provoked me for no reason beep ki beep :D

Badawala Thank You

Kabhi socha hai sometimes kuch log aapki life me apni ek aisi chaap chod jate hai ki aap chaho toh bhi unhe bhool nahi paate ya may be aap unhe bhoolna nahi chahte ya toh fir yeh bhi hai ki who bholane ke layak nahi hote. Again on a second thought jab woh log life me itne mayine rakhte hai toh why do u let them go. Iske reason bohut saare hai. Sometimes for their betterment or our betterment we have to let them go and kabhi kabhi unse kab saath chootjaye pata he nahi chalta.

Sometimes this happens that u are going through a very bad phase of life (or may be u have been lost in some world of your own assuming some stupid stuffs) and suddenly a friend appears from nowhere and solves ur all problems. They make you realise whats that u are missing in the life. And u again start living ur life just like before. These friends should be treasured. Sometimes who khud nahi jaante ke they have so much of impact on u. Its just the way of their thinking that inspires you and so u start taking life in their way and world again seem to be so lively. Its just like ki kisi girte hue insaan ko apna haat badhake sahara dena. Yeah aise logon ke haat bahut sundar hote hai. Yeah you have beautiful hands. (Beautiful hands ka matlab literally nahi hai beautiful in turms of quality).

These friends are treasure to have like I said. Aur sab ke naseeb me treasure nahi hota. When u cant reach out for something we just smile and say angoor khatte hain. Saare angoor meethe nahi hote aur meethe angoor sabke naseeb me nahi hote. Aaj man thoda kharaab hai so ut pataan si cheeze likhi hai. Dear friend I tried to figure out what is that one thing which inspired me to change, I cant get it though. Just want to say that u mean a lot to me and I owe you. Thanks for lending me your beautiful hands to get me out of the shit I was in. From school days I have had so many friends they come and go. Time changes and so do we. I don’t want to change but change is the way of life hum chahkar ke bhi us change ko avoid nahi kar sakte. So one or the other day soon or later things will change and don’t know which part of the world we will put up on. I believe the drastic change in my life is because of you and the major decision I took is because of you. I wish you be happy always and you be blessed with good health, lots of wealth and yeah lots of love. This post is just to let you know I mean what I said.

Certified typo queen....

Its always been a puzzle to me "How to start the post". But aise waise i stat and manage to complete.

I have always been very bad at spelling from school days. I always innovate my own spelling but some how readable. May be i would have taken this issue seriously and learned the art of spelling but due to the invent of auto-spell-check-and-correct and also coz of this new trend of using short forms i didn't feel a need of it so far. But how far can i manage? I have little cousins i spend most of my time playing with them in vacations. They are much younger to me say 10-15 yrs younger so obviously i happen to win in every game me play(naturally m more physically n mentally stronger than them).
Par waqt badalte der nahi lagti, these lil naughty cousins of mine some how discovered my weakness of spelling mistakes and here they go with new games. I mean scrabble, spello and many spelling related games and always loose and its so embarrassing. But thats fine i accepted my weakness and trying to overcome it. I will tel u simple example of my typo i am zillion times confused as to wats the spelling of video or vedio (moving picture). I can give many such examples but rehne do apne khud ke blog me apne khud ke haaton ke apni ijjat ki dhajjiyan udana achi baat nahi.

One more thing in my last post in the blog i wrote about maintaining a "to-do list" i did write it down and kept on postponing, now i realized if i do so i wont complete even a simple task so started doing one by one. updating the blog was one of it.

Thats all for now,
Happy reading...... bye

Red God promise :)

Being lazy to update the blog has been a hobby of mine now a days. Dammm the days are so busy doing nothing. Everyday i get this words of a teacher of mine banging in my head like a big pendulum. She always said never say u dont have time for anything. Just jot down the "To Do" list for the day, then plan and start doing it. Surely you will get time for everything. Trust me i thought lemme give a try and do this and yeah i was able to complete all my task. So i ve decided to maintain a "To Do List Book" and will try to include "update blog clause".

Abt the Red God Promise: This is an incident i always remember since my childhood. Dont know why but this has left an impact on my mind so much that i cnt even erase it from my memory. I vagely remember it was when i was in class 1 (1st std), I still remember my teacher name Miss Alice. I was a little pet to her, she was always on my nerves for my mischiefs. One day in school me and my friend Sharmila we were chasing each other just for fun and i accidently hit the window so hrd that the window panes broke into pieces. The teacher saw us and made us stand in front of black board. After a punishment of an hour or so she came and asked who did it. I said nothing (obviously i was very scared and choosed to be silent). Sharmila said "Miss Red God Promise I didnt do it" (We used this Red God thing coz we had red colour uniform and also a red color tie, we used to touch the tie n say red God Promise).

So here is the real thing why exactly yeh mujhpe apni chaap daal gaya. As soon as Sharmila said that Miss Alice said "guilty always tries to hide by false promises" So u r the culprit.She she was blamed for everything. I did nothing, my conscience was telling me dont be a spectator accept it accept it. But i wasnt thaaat brave, i couldnt speak :( . This one incidence i could never forget and still remember.

This taught me 2 things. Accept my mistake or atleast save other ppl from getting blamed coz of me. and the other one is do not promise(atleast not to promise to the name of God even if m right). I also read it in Genesis book of evolution that God was called by his original name but people use to swear by his name and misuse His name so it was ordered to not to use use His name in any other books or verse. I wanted to make this post of the blog short and sweet but i dont know how i managed to bragggggg so mack abt a small littile thing.

Love and peace is from Allah and anger is from Shaitaan(Iblis)

Fights between brothers ans sisters are quite common and so me and my brothers always fight over all possible stuffs but then again we get alone pretty fast. The same thing happened at home yesterday. As i have 3 brothers and m the only girl at home so these guys play lot of pranks on me and make me cry always. So yesterday me and my bro had an arguement over a very silly matter and we were criticising and complimenting each other in a sarcastic way. My mom feels that we are grown ups and we should understand that the relaionsships now are very delicate and ve to be handled carefully. So she interferes in all our arguements and always asks me to apologise even if its my bro's mistake. So this time i got very angry and upset and even cried a lot coz its my weekness i cant hear a thing abt me if i m not wrong. So out of anger i left home saying "Mamma i thought u r the only1 who understands me,jab aap nahi samaj sakte toh no1 in this world can understand me, wats the use of me here". Tears rolling down my eyes i left home.Went to a lonely place and sat there for some time thinking all possible stupid things which made me cry more more and more(obviously i had to think coz i was in control of Iblis- the devil). whenever i m upset or cry i feel hungry. So after some time i wiped my tears and went to a super market and grabber some fruit juice(i was embarrassed to go to any hotel coz of my face expression any1 can make out i was crying, in supermarket i need not talk to any1 just pick up stuff and pay for it). I knew juice wont satisfy my hunger so to my surprise i found a packet of Harshey's Kisses (my fav. chocolate), just turned around and found that the price of it is wayyyyyyyyyyyy high (its imported after all) But still its more than 4 times the real price par kya kare mujh upar gusse ka bhoot sawar tha. I got them billed and went back to the same lonely place on a bench under a tree. I finished my juices chocolates and waited for call from home and no calls. This made me cry more thinking no1 care :(. Thought of calling any fren and sharing with them but wen i thought wat ll i tel my frenz i myself was ashamed of telling the fact that i left the house coz of such a silly reason that too at this age so i stopped myself from calling any1 and kept crying. Again i felt hungry and felt like having my favourite pastry from CCD and so i went to the nearby CCD and ordered for the pastry and the cold chocolate with think cream and lot of chocolate.I had nowhere to go so finised it slowly watching ppl around. Later i saw a new gaming center was put-up nearby, i thought of visiting it.so went there i couldnt stop trying my hand on all the games. After that again time for my evening supper (i usually dont eat so much but i was upset and crying so i was hungry again). I went had had vry yummy supper. i went to the bench again, it was dawn then and i realised shaam ke baad all machchar and chipkali 'll be around so time to go home but how? i did a big blunder at home it ll be shameful.I searched for my purse and found all the bills from morning i spent on. I summed up amont and i was shocked to see that i ve spent enough.I mean i ve spent a lot ( i hate using debet cards for payment coz i wont realise how much i spent, jab paise dete hain toh ehsaas hota hai ki kitna spet kiya). Ab mujhe ghar jaana tha, saath me gussa bhi shaant hogaya tha ab jab gussa utar gaya i realised gusse me i screwd my pocket money and in addition i got to put on some tons of calories(BTW i was on diet from few days). I thought for a while ki ab ghar pe kaise jaaon kaise call karon.... Fir socha y to think so much its mamma, y shud i be thinking so much to call her so called her..... but then i thought again if iblis provoke me if i fight again? i dont wanted to make it still worse so i decided to throw my so called false Ego in a gutter and went home. Mamma was watching TV. I had some more chocolates and choco filled biscuits left, i sat on dining table and started placcing them on table". MAmma was looking at me, i started taking out all the bills and started mumuring to myself "uffff sooo much i spent :(" I can see a slight crack of smile on mamma's face i couldnt control myslf from loling on me. so i turned to Mamma and said "If u pay me for my bills i ll stay back at home and i ll start talking to u like i used to". She said wat bills and y shud i then i explained her how because of her i had to wonder here and there n how i made my gussa shaant. she LOLed at me and said "i know this was coming" so ok tel me wats my fine, i m ready to pay for my mistake". So finally this way me and mamma became good, i said sorry and blames the devil to have misguided me and influenced me. my 2 bhabi's were giggling looking at me from the kitchen. i said haslo bhabi,its ok i m used to it. i always do this and every1 at home is used to it, app bhi used to ho jayengi. fir both of them burst out laughing. My bro was not there at home wen i went home. Later he came and to my surprise again he got me a bigggggggggg chocolate coz all this started coz of him. At first i did some nakhra and said no nahi chahiye. aap sab karte ho aur fir choco deke bach jate ho.and bla bla. mamma said lelena nahi toh baadme pachtana na pade (coz my bro is very stringy he keeps account of everything). xpecting my bro to spend so much just to make me smile took away all my anger and now i was feeeling ashamed of wat i did.

And for more tadka i happen to get a fwd sms abt how much pain a mother takes while a child is born. This made me feel that iowe my life to my mom and howcome me unki koi baat se naraz ho sakti hon. I curse myself for my whole days act. rememberd a conversation where one of my fren mentioned Love is from Allah and anger is from Iblis, so choose whatever u want.I m right now ashamed and posting this incidence in the blog to keep myself reminding to control my anger and learn the art of forgiving. The devil made me yell at mom and i ll never forget this and i regret it. I love mamma and anything for her. Dare u iblis to come in between me and mamma. Khair nahi tumhari shaitaan ke bachche.............


God plz save me from this evil called anger and also plz guide me to spread love everywhere as Mother Theresa said.

A pleasant surprise or a shock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I always have some special soft corner for few things of mine. I mean my first cell phone, my first bike(scooty), my first teddy bear, my first bag to school and bla bla. i know its so stupid of me but this is the way i am. Many people fail to understand this emotion of mine. I still have my first cell phone with me. It doesnt functions the way it should but i cant afford to sell it though i got a couple of new models after that. I like to keep it with me (its kind of ego u can say coz i cant see my stuffs used by some1 else specially if those stuffs are emotionally attached to me).

So coz of my this attitude i still have my old scooty with me though i got a new Access125. I never let any1 use it except my dad. Ok lemme come to the main topic, one fine day when i went home from bangalore as soon as i opened the entrance gate what do i see :O? its my scooty... wonder what? my scooty cover was a disaster. i mean u can see the picture of it. I was so shocked n went inside yelling that who dare to mess it up. And mom came telling "acha hai na.... papa got it replaced coz it was a little torn". I was like wat? torn? Guys it wasnt torn it just had a small very small less than an inch thin slit. So i said mom i like it black not all this jhin chak colour. and mom was like but papa thought u ll be happy to see it coz it even has a shade of purple(my fav color). I was crying saying that its something that i cant explain you, i like it the way it was and bla bla.

after some time dad came home n asked did u check the seat cover isnt it cool?

As i always want to see my dad happy i said




"WOW DADDY ITS JUST THE WAY I ALWAYS WANTED IT TO BE, U READ MY MIND THANKS DAD"

I have absolutely no idea why i said that but i really wonder it would have been so good if agar sab ek jaise sochte aur sabki pasand ek jaisi hoti toh aise koi misunderstanding nahi hoti aur difference of opinion and choices bhi nahi hoti. Then life would have been so easy but i feel we human are being cured to make life as tough as possible..
I dont know why even if i am forcing myself to like it i am not able to even look at the seat cover. From that day i curse the B***h who mend with the seat cover.

Zindagi

Bahut ajeeb hai yeh zindagi
Kab kis mod pe akar ruk jati hai
bagair koi rukawat ki agah kiye

ladkhadate…sambhalte
apne aap ko samjhate
ki yeh anubhav bhi hume
kuch na kuch to nischit rup se
sikhlayega hi



hriday ko nichodti hai kuch pal
jab khalipan dat kar baith jati hai
Shunya ko Kendra banaye
Maan hatash …kaun samjhaye!

Ghadi ke katon ko jaise kisi balwan ne
Daboch liya hai apne puri shakti se
Na chhat rahe hain udaseenta ke badal
Na thandak mil rahi hai hriday ko
subah ki aos ki tazgi se

Na umeed jhank rahi hai
khilte pankhudiyon ki tarah
na basant aas paas phatak rahi hai
jaise ki koi shikwa ho

Bas yahi aasrah hai ki
Aise dino ki bhi anth hoti hai
Samay marham lagati hai
Aur ek din geheri ghav bhi
Ek daag ban kar reh jati hai.